I was racking my brains thinking of an interesting topic to write about when my cousin suggested that I write about heartbreaks. This, of course, is a topic close to our hearts. Hey, don't be surprised. Like I said, life has been handing me lemons. Not to worry though, my last brush with a heartbreak was long ago, so there are no fresh wounds here. In fact, I am zeroing in on moving on after a heartbreak. (Some unsolicited advice here, so I beg your indulgence.)
Last night, I was chatting with a friend and she mentioned that she thinks she still may have residual feelings for a guy. Hmm...residual feelings... then it struck me. Maybe we are all bound to never forget how we loved somebody in our past, no matter how long ago or how recent that was. Maybe the heart has the memory of an elephant. Maybe it can never completely forget. What if loving someone is like riding a bike? Once you've learned to love someone, maybe you can never completely unlearn it. Ergo, yes, I agree. There will always be residual feelings.
I remember a line from Felicity (the series) that echoes this sentiment of mine. If my memory serves me right, Felicity (Keri Russell) said this about getting over Ben (Scott Speedman). It goes, "Maybe getting over someone you're in love with isn't impossible. Unless, maybe you don't actually get over it. Maybe you just learn to live with it." - Felicity. How true. I suppose you just have learn to live with a heartbreak and hope that sooner rather than later, you'll wake up to discover that the nagging pain that soaked far too many pillows in your sleep is now reduced to a familiar but numbing memory for you.
The question then becomes, if there will always be residual feelings, then does that mean that we can never be whole to love somebody again? Really, how do we expect our cup to be filled if it isn't empty? I am no expert, but I think that the heart has many hidden pockets. Trite as it may sound, but the words, "you will always hold a special place in my heart" certainly rings true here. I believe that love marks remain imprinted in our hearts using indelible ink. It may fade, but it will definitely not go away. But in no way does this make us un-whole. Residual feelings become an integral part of the whole new you.
If you're one of those lucky people to have found love anew, then don't be ashamed of your love marks. Those are bullet wounds and scars that give you your rite of passage towards a new and hopefully, final and lasting love phase in your life. Show this to your partner at least once. Tell him/her where you came from. If he/she is mature enough, he/she will not be jealous or insecure. But don't make the mistake of showing your residual feelings too often. That is different. If you do, it could be that you are not completely over your past yet. Remember that residual means only a small remainder of the feelings is left.
But if you are like the many of us who are bereft of a new love, don't be tempted to dwell on your residual feelings anymore. Don't make the mistake of reviving the dead. Grieve for your loss then move on. Be out there. Meet new people. Make friends. And never settle because you're lonely. Hold out and be positive that soon, cupid may be shooting in your favor again.
My dear cousin, this post is for you. Hope you like it! :-)
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