Wry Humor or Racial Slur?

There is fine line between wry, sarcastic humor and plain old racial slur.    And many times, writers writing in tongue-in-cheek fashion cross the line either knowingly or unknowingly.

Case in point: An article recently appeared in a Hongkong online magazine that slammed Filipinos for claiming ownership of the Spratly Islands.   This was written by Chip Tsao, a Hongkong-based columnist and broadcaster.   Here is his "The War at Home" article from his column published March 27, 2009:

March 27th, 2009

The Russians sank a Hong Kong freighter last month, killing the seven Chinese seamen on board. We can live with that—Lenin and Stalin were once the ideological mentors of all Chinese people. The Japanese planted a flag on Diàoyú Island. That’s no big problem—we Hong Kong Chinese love Japanese cartoons, Hello Kitty, and shopping in Shinjuku, let alone our round-the-clock obsession with karaoke.

But hold on—even the Filipinos? Manila has just claimed sovereignty over the scattered rocks in the South China Sea called the Spratly Islands, complete with a blatant threat from its congress to send gunboats to the South China Sea to defend the islands from China if necessary. This is beyond reproach. The reason: there are more than 130,000 Filipina maids working as $3,580-a-month cheap labor in Hong Kong. As a nation of servants, you don’t flex your muscles at your master, from whom you earn most of your bread and butter.

As a patriotic Chinese man, the news has made my blood boil. I summoned Louisa, my domestic assistant who holds a degree in international politics from the University of Manila, hung a map on the wall, and gave her a harsh lecture. I sternly warned her that if she wants her wages increased next year, she had better tell every one of her compatriots in Statue Square on Sunday that the entirety of the Spratly Islands belongs to China.

Grimly, I told her that if war breaks out between the Philippines and China, I would have to end her employment and send her straight home, because I would not risk the crime of treason for sponsoring an enemy of the state by paying her to wash my toilet and clean my windows 16 hours a day. With that money, she would pay taxes to her government, and they would fund a navy to invade our motherland and deeply hurt my feelings.

Oh yes. The government of the Philippines would certainly be wrong if they think we Chinese are prepared to swallow their insult and sit back and lose a Falkland Islands War in the Far East. They may have Barack Obama and the hawkish American military behind them, but we have a hostage in each of our homes in the Mid-Levels or higher. Some of my friends told me they have already declared a state of emergency at home. Their maids have been made to shout “China, Madam/Sir” loudly whenever they hear the word “Spratly.” They say the indoctrination is working as wonderfully as when we used to shout, “Long live Chairman Mao!” at the sight of a portrait of our Great Leader during the Cultural Revolution. I’m not sure if that’s going a bit too far, at least for the time being.

Chip Tsao is a best-selling author and columnist. A former reporter for the BBC, his columns have also appeared in Apple Daily, Next Magazine and CUP Magazine, among others. 

In the interest of fairness, I want to put the article and the writer in perspective.   I did a quick Google search on Chip Tsao and found that he is really known for his irreverent humor. His column is named Politically Incorrect after all, so the readers are already being forewarned that it is not for the thin-skinned and faint-hearted.  This is not the first time that his article sparked controversy.   Back in 2005, he found himself in a quagmire after writing about interracial dating in Hongkong.  It was not the first time either that he wrote about Filipinos, he featured an article about Filipino wet nurses as an alternative source of milk in Hongkong when the melamine milk scare broke out last year.

But hard as I try to be more tolerant and understanding of his writing style, I cannot help but feel that his article has struck a sensitive chord among us Filipinos.   I guess unknowingly, he went overboard with this one.   My reaction to his article was not anger at all, it was sadness. I felt I was Louisa, being looked down to, being discriminated against, and haplessly allowing my employer to take advantage of the dire economic situation I am in.  Reading the article was like being taken back to the few times when I have been at the receiving end of discrimination during trips abroad.   

Moreover, the Philippine government is not the Filipino people. I have long hoped and waited in vain for our incumbent president to relinquish her post, and many share this same sentiment.  I sure do regret ever voting for Glora Arroyo, that was a big faux pas on my part.   There are many things that this government did that I am not very proud of and I understand the negative image we may have among other nations.  But just because there are a few bad apples, it does not make the entire bunch bad.    There are a lot of good apples out there, Louisa, whether she is fictional or not, is one of them.

I will not stoop down to Chip Tsao's level by lashing out on the Hongkong Chinese.  I will not even judge Chip Tsao’s character too.  One or two articles gone wrong do not make him a bad writer nor a bad person for that matter.   I would give him the benefit of the doubt and would charge all these to simple poor judgment on his part.   I hope this article does not unmake him, but his fate does not rely on my hands.  Too many Filipinos are outraged by what he has said.

I am magnanimous in my forgiveness.   I hope this speaks of the character a Filipino can have.   

Japanese Nama Chocolates

Nama.  Nama Chocolates.

If you are to learn just one Japanese word, make sure that it is Nama, the Japanese word for Fresh.  Put nama beside chocolate and voila, you have one of the best chocolates in the world.  

(Photo courtesy of dessertcomesfirst.com)

Nama Chocoate is simply a Japanese kind of fresh chocolates. The Japanese, being the great innovators that they are, actually had the chocolate eureka moment back in the 1980's when nama chocolates were a craze in Japan.   What makes Nama chocolates truly unique is the cocoa butter and fresh cream content.    By Japanese standards, nama chocolates should have a minimum cocoa (kiji) content of 60% and cream content of 10%.   

Because of the high fat content, Nama chocolates have a sinfully rich and smooth consistency.  A small bar of nama chocolate is dusted on the outside with cocoa powder that releases a slight bitterness when it touches your tongue, but instantly after, the chocolate begins to melt and you soon taste the sweet and creamy chocolate goodness that automatically send triggers to your brain to release those endorphins.   Who wouldn't feel loved when savoring nama chocolates?

Freshness is a key element for nama chocolates.   They have to be stored in a cold temperature, otherwise, they would lose their fine consistency and texture.  Nama chocolates often come infused with liqueur.  But the added flavors are not overpowering. The taste is very subtle.  Don't expect to get real vibrant flavors though, just soft and delicate sensations in your mouth.  

One of the major players in the nama chocolate market is Royce. I first got to try Royce in Singapore last year.   My sister's friend, Myles, said she stumbled upon a Royce Store in Suntec Mall and she took us there for us to sample what she said was "the best chocolate she has ever tried".  It was an instant hit for me and my sister.   

Around quarter 4 of last year, Royce opened its first store in Rockwell Power Plant Mall here in the Philippines.  But unfortunately, I was not able to get myself a box or two for health and wealth diet reasons.  (Each box retails for P580).  So when my sister in law asked me what goodies I wanted from Japan, I simply told her Royce Chocolates. Thank God, they found a Royce store in the Narita airport.  It is much cheaper in Tokyo too, around 660 yen, or just P330.  

Royce Goodies from Tokyo

Now, close to one year since my first encounter with Royce in Singapore, my taste buds had a second date with Royce. Imagine all that pent up demand (no, make that desire) that were unleashed on the first bite. I had to restrain myself from finishing the entire box in one sitting.

Fortunately, there is a less expensive alternative to Royce, that is, Sachi nama chocolates. These are sold exclusively in Heavenly Chocolates in Roces Ave, Quezon City.  Each box retails for only P350.  I understand that these brand of nama chocolates is all about strong, vibrant flavors.  I will definitely check this out soon!  Photo courtesy of clickthecity.com

   

My Sugar Overload Weekend

My blood sugar probably spiked to ultra-hyper levels from all the sugary indulgences that got me caving in all throughout the weekend. 

Here's a rundown of the sinful things I delighted in:

2 pcs. of Belgian Chocolates from Leonidas:

I had one "I Love You" praline which is dark chocolate with special lemon cream filling, 

and a Buche Orange Fondant, dark chocolate with marzipan and candied orange peel.

Naturally, I didn't stop there.  I also had my fill of lemon melts. Thankfully, the cookies are sugar-free. These cookies are just supermarket bought, Elsa's Story cookies, a brand of cookies from Israel, and they are not bad at all.  The butter flavor may be a little too strong, but the hint of lemon surely hit the spot.  The price is not bad too, about P146 only for an entire pack (150 g).  

My brother just arrived from Tokyo last Saturday, so he brought home lots of Japanese goodies, including Japanese chocolates.

He brought packs of Grapefruit flavored Kitkat so I had to try those immediately. It was good, so good that I had a couple of pieces. Okay, make that 4! Grapefruits are supposed to be helpful in weight loss because they contain a lot of fat burning enzymes.  I remember the Scarsdale diet from way back that featured a lot of grapefruit.  I suppose there were enough enzymes in each Kitkat bar to burn the calories from all the chocolate that covered the wafers. I shouldn't be guilty about feasting on Kitkat Grapefruit, right?   Can this pass as an excuse?

Then I tried the Lotte Choco Pie which is a chocolate covered cookie sandwich with vanilla cream filling.   I think I had 3 pieces of these over the weekend.  Eeeek!  This only means I would have to stay on the treadmill 3 times longer than usual.

Having a fill of too many sweets this weekend, I decided to step on the brakes and hold off on eating Royce Chocolates.   I will save the best for later.  And Royce Nama Chocolates deserve a separate blog entry.  

Lemon Patrol Vol. 2 - Ode to a Lemon

I recently saw the Italian film Il Postino, a story of how a simple man's world opens up and changes upon meeting Pablo Neruda, the great Chilean poet.  It is a film about friendship, love and poetry.     I must confess that I am no fan of poetry and that I practically have zero knowledge on Neruda.    Seeing how Neruda touched so many lives in the film, I did a little research on Neruda and I stumbled upon this.

I thought it is apt that I share this poem by Neruda, a perfect tribute to the fruit we love:

Ode to a Lemon by Pablo Neruda

From those lemon flowers 

Set free 

By the light of the moon 

From that 

Odor of a love 

Frustrated, 

Sunken in fragrance, 

There came 

From the Lemon tree its yellow, 

From its planetary system 

The lemons came down to the earth.

Tender merchandise! 

Our shores filled up with it, 

The markets 

Of light, of gold 

From a tree, 

And we open up 

The two halves 

Of a miracle, 

Congealed acid 

Which ran 

From the hemispheres 

Of a star 

And the most profound liquor 

In nature, 

Unchanging, alive, 

Indestructible, 

Born from the freshness 

Of the lemon, 

From its fragrant house, 

From its acid, secret symmetry.

Inside the lemon the knives 

Cut 

A small 

Cathedral, 

The window hidden behind the altars 

Opened to the light its glassy acids, 

And in drops 

Like topazes they were dripped 

Onto the altars 

By the architecture of freshness.

So when your hand 

Squeezes the hemisphere 

Of the cut 

Lemon onto your plate, 

A universe of gold, 

You have poured out 

One  

Yellow cup 

Full of miracles 

One of the sweet-smelling nipples 

Of the breast of the earth, 

A ray of light that became a fruit, 

The diminutive fire of a planet.

I just love how Neruda praised the lemon using all sensory faculties.  It is very refreshing to see the lemon celebrated and glorified, quite a turnaround from the bad reputation the lemon gets for the sourness and bitterness it symbolically represents in our lives.

Globe's Loyalty Program Gone Wrong

I don't understand the logic behind Globe Telecom's loyalty program.

Typically, a new mobile phone subscriber is required to maintain a postpaid line for 2 years. This is standard industry practice here in the country.  I think this is to recover the acquisition cost and other marketing costs associated with new subscriptions.  After the 2 year holding period, the subscriber is now free to move on to another service provider.   Hence, like any other business, it is very critical that Globe has a very good retention program in order to decrease customer churn rates.

For a new subscriber, Globe is willing to provide incentives like a free phone.  It is very aggressive in recruitment but it is not so with respect to retention.  I know that Globe has a loyalty program.  But sadly, I have never been entitled to one.  I have maintained a Globe line for 9 years and in all that time, I was never afforded a reward for my loyalty. Globe is very selective in choosing who they reward.  I do not know the criteria by which it decides whose subscription behavior is worth rewarding or not, and apparently mine is not.

I made a quick call today to inquire about the loyalty program, but the customer service representative explained to me that the loyalty program is offered on an on-and-off basis.   There has been no advice from the Globe head office yet as to when they will offer it again, so she just advised me to keep on calling them to inquire about the rewards.  BIG DUH!  That is not rewarding at all.  That is NOT making me feel like an important customer, that is reducing me to begging.  Is that the way Globe treats customers?  I thought customers are king.  Do we have to be paupers?  This is really beyond my comprehension.  

Here's where the customer development policy of Globe puzzles me.   If I TERMINATE my line now and apply for a new line, I CAN avail of a new phone for FREE.   Essentially, I will still use the same customer details, maintain the same service consumption pattern, except that my cellphone number will change.  So why not just give me the free phone NOW (using my same number)?  I simply do not get the business logic.  There won't be any NEW business created.   There won't be any incremental revenue generated, rather an additional expense on top of the free phone will be incurred, i.e.,  Globe will have to retire an old number, execute a new agreement, re-encode new customer details, etc.

Globe will spend precious marketing pesos to get an ARTIFICIALLY new account (me) but will not bother to spend a single centavo to prevent me from defecting.  What kind of strategy is that?  Perhaps Globe just believes that there is an exit barrier for subscribers.  After all, it sure is a hassle to change your number every 2 years and send your new number to all your contacts.   But for many customers like me, I will not mind changing my number if doing so will mean I can get a new phone for free.

Any marketing practitioner knows that it costs much, much more to get a new customer than it is to retain one.  What is worse, any deactivation of account will represent a discontinuity of data. Perhaps Globe just has a very sophisticated CRM (customer relationship management) software that allows it to read and analyze customer metrics using an account number that can be reassigned to multiple mobile numbers.   Nonetheless, it will still represent a migration of customer usage data and it would be far simpler if the data to be analyzed just covers one mobile number.

Moreover, with old customers trying to disguise themselves as new customers, the new enrollment rate tends to be artificially bloated.  Now, is this a window dressing tactic that Globe employs so that it will fare comparably well against other companies like Smart or Digitel?  

Globe is a leaky bucket.   What Globe is doing is just continuously pouring in water in efforts to maintain or increase the water level.  But what it needs now is to plug the holes to prevent water from leaking out of the bucket.   It is good in offensive marketing, but what about defensive marketing?

Smart Communications fortunately gets it.  As early as the 18th month into the subscription, Smart already starts to offer its subscribers a range of free phones to choose from.  And when customers get a new phone, they are required to stay on for another 2 years, just like any new subscriber.   As you can guess, the objective is met.   The existing subscribers have an incentive to stay.  Smart gets the benefit of loyal customers without the headache of deactivating old numbers and activating new ones.

I am so tempted to switch to Smart.   I have changed my Globe number far too many times already.  And besides, the free phone offers from Smart are much, much better.   Globe really has to get its loyalty act together.  

 

I am a Driftwood

I am a driftwood.

By definition, a driftwood is a piece of wood that is floating on the sea or has been washed ashore.

Photo courtesy of freehdwallpapers.com

I am a driftwood in many ways.

A driftwood used to be part of something big (a tree, a forest) before it got dismembered from where it originally was.   I used to be part of something meaningful before: an earning, productive life, a relationship, a dream.    I thought I had my life planned out perfectly well for me.  Then, by some stroke of fortune or misfortune, I am now the antithesis of who I was before. Now, all that is left of me is the dream. 

A driftwood floats aimlessly on the sea before it is washed to the shore.  I am at that phase where my life is directionless.  For all my corporate planning experience, I cannot seem to plan my life right now.  I just roll with the waves, with no decided direction whatsoever.   I recently had a big epiphany, i.e.,  no matter how much I plan, the larger part of my life will remain beyond my control.  I have therefore decided to approach certain aspects of my life with some form of abandon.  I will take as much leaps of faith as I can while I am still young and carefree.

A driftwood will eventually be washed ashore.   My aimless wandering will not last forever. I know that I will feel the warmth of the sand in my toes again.  Sooner or later, I shall be kissing the ground hello.   I believe that this will happen.  The wind and the waves will bring me to my rightful home. 

A driftwood can transform into something of value.  A driftwood can become a prized sculpture, a rustic piece of furniture, a base where orchids would grow, and many more.  I can transform myself.  I can be of value.  I can do something worthwhile.  The opportunities that lay before  me (or for anyone else) are almost infinite.  I just have to pick the right one to tap then take my big leap.   Until then, I shall keep my eyes open while I ride the tides.

A driftwood is what I am.   I am by no means unhappy.  I am surrounded by family and friends who love me.  I am not alone while I peacefully float on the sea.  I am free.  I am open.  I am hopeful.  I am me.  

I Should Have Read the Fine Print

I am very disappointed at myself for being uncharacteristically careless and for not reading the fine print.

I am referring to a "Variable Insurance Package" that I bought from Sun Life.  

This happened around February-March last year.  I already have an existing policy from Philam (I am already on my 9th year on that plan), but I was prevailed upon by the boyfriend of my sister's friend to grant him an audience and listen to the sales pitch he had to make for the aforementioned variable life insurance package.

Despite my busy schedule last year, I listened to his presentation and entertained several other calls from him thereafter.   He was being very pushy so I decided to just avail of the package so I can be left in peace.   He also said that I will be helping him a lot because he really needed to save as much as he can so he can finally propose to my sister's friend.   

I already told this guy that I already have an existing policy and what I need is an investment product, not another insurance policy.  So he offered me that Variable Insurance instrument.  He even measured my risk appetite and told me the salient features of the product, to wit:

1. Make additional investments anytime
2. Choose when and how much to pay your premiums
3. Withdraw from your fund value in case of emergency
4. Increase, decrease or stop paying premiums altogether
5. Enjoy more protection with the availment of additional death benefit option

I remember bullet #4 very well.   These bullets, by the way were taken from the Sun Life Website.   I was pretty confident that the money I paid would be intact and I could just terminate this plan after one year, since I really don't need a second life insurance.  I was just really trying to help, playing both cupid and a good samaritan.

Fast forward to March 2009, I got a call from Sun Life telling me that I have a due premium.   My agent has already migrated to Canada with my sister's friend.   I told the Sun Life representative that I just want to get my money back but she said this is not possible.    I paid an annual premium of P11,245 last year, and out of this amount, only P202 will be recoverable. Sure, P11,245 is not a lot of money, but for someone unemployed like me, that means a lot.  

If you can just imagine how pissed off I am at the situation.   I misunderstood the product.  I didn't read the contract.   I believed everything a sales agent told me. Of course I blame myself for this.   I thought that the product I bought was really an investment instrument with a life insurance rider.   It was the other way around, it is more of a life insurance with an investment rider. 

Given the above, I have two courses of action to take:

1. Say goodbye to my P11,245
2. Continue to pay the premiums so that the fund value of my investment will increase. 

But no, I will not be stupid for a second time around.   Who in his right mind will invest in an insurance instrument given the financial crisis today? Sun Life may not be AIG, but it is definitely not unscathed.  That the fund value of my plan is just P202 today is quite telling already.

So there.  This is a lesson learned for me.  I should not skip the due diligence.  As for being a good samaritan, I will have to remind myself that expecting a reward for doing a good deed actually negates the goodwill. 

An Irritating Pinoy Expression

Every time  I hear the expression "nice one", I simply want to pull my hair.   I have been hearing this everywhere and it just gets to my nerve each time.

I think this started sometime last year when my sister, my cousin and I were playing tennis.   Our neighbor (who we believe was drunk at that time) volunteered to join us.  Since he was drunk, he was very loud and rowdy on the court.  He kept saying "sorry" for shots that he missed, "anticipate" for the shots we missed, and "nice one" for the winners that we made.   

I was thinking to myself, what was nice about those shots?  Isn't nice one too generic?  Did he refer to the swing? Did her refer to the spin?  He could have said, "nice backhand" but I guess his brain was not cooperating with him at that time.  That is what you get for being drunk too early in the morning.

This is how "nice one" feature in most conversations I hear these days.

Person 1:  Napanood ko na yung Slumdog Millionaire

Person 2:  Nice one!  

Person 1:  Uy, may bagong boylet na si Carol

Person 2:  Nice one!

Person 1:  Sale sa Zara.

Person 2:  Nice one!

Seriously, nice one is like a virus that spreads like crazy these days.   For example, I posted a photo online, and a friend typed, "nice one".  I really wanted to reply, what is "one" referring to? Is it the background?  Is it the color of my shirt?  This same friend also commented "nice one" when I forwarded the http link to my blog.   I would like to think that this friend only used nice one in jest to tease me.  

We have a lot of words at our disposal, so why do we have to limit it to nice?  And why do we have to be vague about it by replacing the apt noun with the impersonal pronoun "one"?   Of course it is forgivable to hear that expression sometimes, but for it to be part of the everyday vocabulary with the same meaning as "cool" or "awesome" is just too much for me.

Des, my friend, in trying to analyze why I hate that expression so much, said I think what you hate about it is the intonation, that is, the stress is in the word nice.    Maybe.  

"Nice one" is now in the league of overused and abused expressions and words like "chillax", "fack shit" (yes, with an "A", not "U" as that is how pinoys pronounce it), and "what the fack"(with an "A" still).